The Guiding Principles of Our
Teachings + Trainings
We love making things simple! Here you’ll find some of our favorite secrets hiding in plain sight. But don’t let their simplicity fool you: these potent observations invite profound shifts.
In this audio clip, Gay and Katie explore:
- Recognizing and shifting your personal upper-limit patterns—the ways in which you’ve unconsciously learned to stop your expansion into enjoying more love and positive attention every day
- How to shift from fear reactivity to flow so you can call on your deep resources to participate fully and creatively in life and love
- Developing your creativity “muscles” with specific practices requiring only 10 minutes a day
- How to make the Wonder Shift in the midst of conflict, both within yourself and in relationship to others
1. Do what works.
What’s honest-to-gosh effective?
We love big ideas, but only when they’re worth their salt. That’s why we’ve tested and tweaked practices for over 30 years, both in the living laboratory of our relationship and with our students. Everything you’ll find here made the cut by sparking big bangs.
2. Honesty works.
What’s the deepest truth for you, right now?
If it matters, be honest about it. If you matter, be honest with yourself. If your relationship matters, be honest with your partner. We have never seen dishonesty lead to happiness and intimacy. Honoring your experience and sharing it authentically is an essential art.
3. Life: handle with curiosity and wonder.
Is your life blowing your mind?
As Einstein said, “Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.” Our work invites you into a new state of consciousness where you begin seeing through “the eyes of the heart.” Here, problems resolve effortlessly and obstacles become opportunities.
4. Let things be easy.
How could this be easier?
You can take the hard road, but we don’t recommend it. One of the most rampant addictions we’ve found is the belief that life has to be hard. We suggest you go cold turkey on that one and give ease a test drive.
5. Responsibility liberates and empowers.
Are you all in?
Say it with us: “I am not a victim. I am the true architect of my life. I create my own reality.” People dancing the painful Blame ‘n Shame Shuffle feel wronged, weak, and disconnected. Take a wild new leap into empowerment by taking 100% responsibility.
6. Appreciation: Give more, receive better, seek less.
What’s wonderful in this moment?
Appreciation is like oxygen. Without it, relationships suffocate and we all turn blue. Most forget to share appreciation and seek it out in unhealthy ways. Shower others with appreciation, learn to receive it gracefully, and open yourself to a life of wonder.
7. The world needs your genius.
Is creativity on your front burner?
Your unique genius is a merry dance between natural gifts and seasoned practice. When you don’t visit this zone often, resentment creeps in. Embark on the subtle exploration of your genius and enjoy a life of joyful creativity and ease-ful purpose.
8. Organic spirituality is essential.
How can you feel more connected?
Real change goes beyond the mind. It takes heart, guts, and deep-down grokking. It doesn’t discriminate by cosmological beliefs, religion, or sexual orientation — and neither do we. We’re far more interested in facilitating love, compassion, and shifts of consciousness.
9. Commitments reveal values.
What do your actions say about your priorities?
Discipline is the consistent action of a person who believes they deserve to be here. Commitment essential for healthy relationships. Explore the unconscious commitments holding you back and master the art of re-committing to what matters most to you.
10. We’re all in this together.
How are we similar?
We are much more interested in how people are the same than how they are different. Rather than teasing out the differences between genders or types, we focus on the core issues we all face.
11. Learn with your whole body.
Stop. Breathe. What’s your body saying right now?
Whole body learning incorporates the mind, unconscious, and bodymind. Learn to listen to your body’s rich, wild intelligence, and recognize its subtle voice. After all, how often do you say, “Man! My gut was so wrong about that!”
12. Ask the tough questions.
What questions do you need to ask?
Most relationship problems can be resolved with five questions: What am I not facing? What truths have I not spoken? What have I been blaming others for that I need to own responsibility for creating? What choices do I need to make? What actions do I need to take?